Just waiting.....

I have been so encouraged over the past few days by the kind words that so many of you have shared with us.  It means more that I could express to hear that people are praying for us and are "in our corner".  


Several of you have said how excited you are to hear the next part of our story.  So I just wanted to give a quick update about our current status, which is ----- waiting -----.  We have not been picked by a birth mother and we do not have a baby yet.  Believe me, when that happens you will hear me shouting for joy and telling everyone!  


As of today we have had six birth mothers look at our profile book.  We are left with a lot of questions about why no one has picked us yet.  There is a huge battle in my mind and the devil is really good at twisting things and using them to attack me.  Each time a birth mother is going to look at our book we are filled with hope and anticipation.  Then when we are not picked we are let down and feel rejected.  It is terrible roller coaster of emotions and to be honest I am ready to get off this ride!


It was especially hard to hear that number five and six didn't pick us.  We learned about these birth mothers on the same day.  This is a pretty rare thing to have two birth mothers on the same day, so far we have been averaging one birth mother opportunity a month.  So when we got the news that neither of them had picked us, it was really discouraging.  (If you don't understand about how we hear about a birth mother, don't worry.  I plan on doing a post later on about how that all works.)


A sweet friend reminded me again to day to trust the Lord and his timing.  And our pastor has been reminding us for the past several weeks that, "when you can't trace His hand, trust His heart".  This verse has been such a comfort.  I don't understand why we have not been chosen yet, but God does.  I do understand and trust that He has a plan.  And for now that is what I will cling to.

Isaiah 55:8-9

New International Version

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,” 
declares the Lord.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth, 
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Our Adoption Story: Chapter 2

The next part of our story is a happy chapter!  Brett and I filled out the first form for Bethany Christian Services and we were invited to the quarterly information meeting.  It really was a blessing from God that we turned in this paper work when we did.  The meeting was just three days away!  If we had waited one more week we would have had to wait another three months till the next info meeting.

The info meeting gave us so much to think about and process, but it didn't slow us down.  We requested the big packet of paperwork from Bethany and we were officially stated with the adoption process!  We couldn't wait to start telling family and friends.

There was such joy and happiness.  We felt so confident in this decision and had such clear direction from the Lord.  We felt that we would be picked by a birth mother quickly and move on to being parents.  We just knew that those in our life would feel the same way and we would blissfully walk down this path.

I can imagine this period of time would be a lot like when a couple finds out they are pregnant but haven't told family or friends.  They are giddy with excitement and share this special secret.

Chapter 2 was a pretty short chapter.  As soon as we started sharing with family and friends about our plans we were meet with resistance.  We quickly moved into Chapter 3 which is not a very happy chapter.  It is filled with questions, waiting, anger, more questions, and tough conversations.  I feel that we are still currently in Chapter 3.  My hope is to share in as much detail as possible what this part of the journey looks like for us.

I have three goals is sharing:
1) Help me process my thoughts and feelings.
2) Help friends and family understand more about infertility and adoption and in the process.
3) Encourage other families who are walking down this path or will some day walk this path.

I am sure that as I share it will sound like one big pity party.  It is certainly not going to be very pretty.  But I want to make one thing clear - God is the one who is writing this story!  There is sadness and hurt in this story, but we know there will be joy and happiness too.  This process is not just about us expanding our family and adopting a child.  This process is all about us becoming more Christ-like.  Our faith has been tested and has grown so much.  When God needs to clear out some of the bad stuff in your life to make room for the good stuff, it is not easy!

How did we get here?

Some days I stop and think how in the world did we get here?  So many times we have heard, “God will write your adoption story.”  We don’t know how our story will end, but we can already see how God is the Author who is writing this story.

But I want to share “Chapter One” and talk about how this crazy adventure began.  There are several reasons for wanting to share.  First, I think that it is important to remember this part of the journey (even if it is a hard to share).  Second, I read a lot of stories, blogs, Facebook posts, etc about adoption and infertility.  Reading other people’s stories helped me understand what was going on and really helped Brett and I make our decision to adopt.  I pray that some one might read this part of my story and it will bless them.

*****Disclaimer******* This is a public blog.  There is a need to use caution in what details I share.  So forgive me for not giving every tiny detail.  If you have questions, I am happy to talk over email or some other private communication.

So…… it starts in high school.  I had some female issues, but didn’t think much about it.  These issues were kinda off and on and nothing really major.  It continued thru college and the issues increased some, but not enough to really alarm me.

In grad school the issues became enough of a problem that I needed to see a Doctor. At that time the Doctor was able to address my issues and helped to regulate things.  He also told me that it was very likely that I would have trouble getting pregnant.  I understood this, but I didn’t really effect my life and the time.  I wasn’t married or engaged or even dating any one at the time.  My doctor is a wonderful, Christian man.  He looked me straight in the eye and said, “ I have quit telling people the can or can not get pregnant.  God is in control of that and He can do anything He wants to.”

Brett and I start dating and we can see that things are getting serious.  I share with him about this part of my life.  I want him to know that there was a chance that I could not get pregnant.  I also wanted to know if he would be open to adoption.  My heart was already open to adoption.  In fact, I have had a place in my heart for adoption for as long as I can remember (but that is another post).  Brett thought and prayed about it and he was ok with adoption and our relationship moved forward.

After about two years of marriage we decided to start trying.  I was very eager to start because I knew there might be issues.  I was expecting most of my issues to be physical, so I was in for surprise when my emotions and moods went crazy too.  Again, because this is a public blog, I don’t feel comfortable sharing all the details about this time in my life.  But the short version is that things were not right physically and emotionally.  I went back to my doctor to try to find out what was going on.

My doctor was so patience to listen to me.  We talked thru the issues and what some of the options were.  We choose to use something to help level out my mood swings.  There are risks involved with this and Brett and I were both aware of this.  After about two months I could tell my mood swings were not so bad, but I just didn’t feel like myself.  Also, things were continuing to get worse with the physical stuff.  There are all kinds of books, web sites, and apps to help you track things to increase your chances of getting pregnant.  We had been doing this and we could tell things were not right.

So after 1 year of trying we went back to my Doctor.  He looked at my charts and tracking data.  We did some tests and talked with him about all the options.  Brett and I had already been talking about fertility treatments.  During this time I had been doing a lot of research and reading other people’s stories.  We never felt a peace about fertility treatments.  There is a list of reasons why WE didn’t choose fertility treatments, this is what we felt was best for us.  If you are struggling with this issue I encourage you to learn as much as you can and pray for wisdom.  We know plenty of people who have chosen fertility treatments and have a child as a result.  Again, if you want to talk with me more about this I would love to!

OK, all that to say the Doctor laid out all the facts and we chose to not pursue fertility treatments and the next day we filled out the first form with Bethany Christian Services.  This is Chapter 1 of our adoption story.

Mother's Day

Today is mother's day.  Brett and I are so thankful for our wonderful mothers and grandmothers.  We are blessed to be celebrating with them this weekend.

However....  mother's day can be a hard day for a lot of people.  If you mother has passed away or is sick it can be hard.  If you have lost a relationship with your mother or if you relationship is tense it can be hard.  If you have lost a child, had a miscarriage, or are dealing with infertility, it can be hard.  If you are adopted or are a birth mother it can be hard.

I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but I just wanted to acknowledge that in the middle of celebrating there can be hurt.  So if you or someone you know might be having a hard time today, please know that I care.  I am praying for you and hope that the Lord's comfort will surround you.

Happy Birth Mother's Day

Today is birth mother's day.  It is always the day before mother's day.  I am so happy to add this special day to our family's traditions.  We have not been matched with a birth mother yet, but I already feel a strong connection to her.  I pray for our birth mother every day.  I have a deep respect and love for this woman.  She will always be a part of our family's life.

I encourage you to take a moment today and pray for all birth mothers.  They are strong women who have made a huge sacrifice for their children.  Pray that God will comfort them this weekend.  Their child will be on their mind all weekend long.

Long Time with no update

It has been over a month with out an update here on the blog.  Life just got busy and then the holiday season hit. But here is what has been going on for the past month:

Home Study:  We have completed all three parts of the home study.  Both of us were pretty nervous about this part.  We were not told anything about what questions we would be asked.  Part one was at our house and we were interviewed together.  We talked about general things.  Some of the topics were, why we want to be parents, how we feel about adoption, how our family feels about things and then an overview of our family and home life.  Also, the social worker toured the home and checked for safety issues.  We had to make sure we have a fire extinguisher, the medicine is out of reach of a child, etc.  Once we met our social worker we felt at easy and very comfortable with her.  She did a great job of explaining everything to us.

Part two of the home study:  We met at the Bethany office and Brett and I were interviewed separately.  This time we went into detail about our childhood and teenage years.  We talked about our goals/dreams  and our strengths and weaknesses.

Part three of the home study:  We met back at our home and this time we talked in detail about our marriage. We shared how we met and fell in love.  We also talked about how we resolve conflict and share chores.  This was my favorite part of the home study.  I have a wonderful husband and I loved bragging on him!

Over all the home study was not bad at all.  But anyone would be nervous about having your life "inspected".  I will say that it was very emotionally draining.  After each part I just felt wiped out.  We are waiting for a supervisor to read over and sign off on the official home study report.  This should happen shortly after the new year.  Next we need to finish our profile book and get it printed.  Then we will just be waiting.

The waiting is the hardest part of this process!  I have all kinds of emotions swirling around right now.  The Lord is working on my heart and mind and I am having to trust Him.  I know there is plan in all of this and we will trust and wait for the right child at the right time.

Home Study - Part 1

We are working with a social worker at Bethany to schedule the first part of our home study.  It is looking like it will be some time next week.  We are ready to get started on this, but I am still nervous.

In the mean time we are taking some vacation time to celebrate our 3rd anniversary.  We are looking forward to several days of rest and relaxation.  And I hope to get a lot of sewing done!

Getting ready for the home study

We have finished our 3 on-line classes.  We are just waiting to schedule the interviews and home study.  I am pretty nervous about this part of the process.  Everyone tells us not to worry that we will do great, but you have to admit that it is intimidating for someone to take an up close and personal look at your life and home.

Big shout out and thanks to my cousin, Desi.  She and her two kids came on Monday and helped me clean the house.  It was a huge help to have someone there to motivate me and keep me on track.  It seems like such a big job, but she made it easy!  Now, if we can keep it clean . . . .

November - National Adoption Month

International adoption is a big part of the adoption puzzle.  International adoption often takes much longer than domestic adoption and is often much more expensive.  There is a lot of red tape when working with another country's government and regulations.  It is also very common for children who are adopted from over seas to be older (not an infant).  They face the challenges of learning a new language and culture.

Will you pray for children overseas who are waiting for a family?  Pray that they will find a family quickly, that red tape will not be a problem, that language skills will come quickly.  Pray for God's love to surround them while they wait for their forever family.

We are all wanted, we are all loved by some one

Help a foster family

Yesterday I asked you to pray for kids in the foster system.  Today I want to challenge you help a foster family.  What can you do to help? Almost anything! Cook a meal, have a play date, provide school supplies, get a special toy. 

November - National Adoption Month

November is National Adoption Month.  I want to do what I can to help promote adoption in any way I can.  Brett and I have learned so much over the past few months.  We didn't know much about adoption before starting on this journey and we have gotten so many questions from friends and family.  I hope that you can learn something and that God will speak to your heart.

So what can you do about adoption?  God won't call every family to adopt and that is ok.  But it is clear in scripture that God calls everyone to love, to protect the innocent, and be a father to the fatherless.  So will you pray?  Today will you pray for the children in the foster care system?  These children have been separated from their parents.  There is so much hurt and pain in the lives of these children.  Pray for God's love to surround them today.

"Baby" steps

No big news on the adoption process, just some baby steps.  Our back ground check and reference letters all came back so we are moving on to the next part.  We will have three on-line training classes to take.  I don't really know what this will involve, but we are excited to learn more!

Also, we got our crib.  It is the crib that my brother and I used.  My mom has saved it all these years.  It is in really good condition and we have put it all back together and made sure it was safe to use. Brett is working on sanding a few spots and he is staining it a few shades darker.  I really love it!  I have started working on the bedding.  I have all the pieces cut out, I just need to start sewing.

Open Adoption

I know it has been a few days, but here is the last in the series about the three types of adoption.  Just a refresher, there are three types of adoption, Closed, Semi-Open and Open. 

Open Adoption is a relatively new concept.  For a long time adoption was very secretive and little to no information was exchanged between birth parents and adoptive families.  Over time we have learned that the lack of information does more harm than good.

An open adoption allows birthparents and adoptive families to exchange information openly and freely.  They often do this without the help of the adoption agency.  There can be face to face meeting, such as holidays, birthdays, trips to the park, etc.  There can be phone calls, emails, or letters exchanged between the two.  Open adoption also allow for birth grandparents to be involved in the child’s life.  It would take a lot of love, communication and cooperation to make an open adoption work.  But they are coming more and more common.  Brett and I are open to any open adoption, we will have to pray and seek the Lord’s guidance to see if this would be right for our family.

Here is what Bethany says in their adoption guide:

In an open adoption, children grow up knowing that they are loved by all of their family members: the parents who adopted them and the parents who gave them life.  Relationships that are open or have some degree of openness seem to give adoptive parents the best opportunity to answer their children’s questions most effectively and to share their children’s stories.  Parents and children involved in an open adoption communicate directly, without a third party. This plan allows both families to nurture their relationships as they naturally develop. Information is shared easily, questions are answered fully, and there is a greater understanding of the child’s history. We have found that children thrive when they have honest and accurate information about their birth and adoption stories.

Common elements:

•           The expectant parents meet prospective adoptive parents to confirm their selection.

•           The birth and adoptive families fully disclose identifying information.

•           There is usually ongoing contact during the pregnancy and birth as families build their relationship and develop trust with each other.

•           After placement, there is direct contact between families in person or by telephone, e-mail, or letters.

•           There is direct and ongoing contact between birth and adoptive families as the child grows up.

Discipline Policy

I had a friend ask about the discipline policy that we had to sign.  Here is a summary in my words: Bethany is licensed by the state of Arkansas and must comply with all laws, rules and regulations regarding adoption and foster care.  Many children in the foster care system have been physically abused.  Bethany ask that we not use corporal punishment with our foster child.  I am sure you are wondering - What foster child?  I thought you were adopting??   We are adopting, but for the first six months we will foster the child.  At the six month mark we go to court and legally adopt the child.  This process is set up mainly for older children.  The six month time period allows the child and the parents to make sure this is a good fit.  Because we are adopting and infant, there is not much need to make sure the baby will fit into our family.  But the processes is still there.

After the child is legally ours (at the six month mark) we are able to discipline the child in any way we choose.  Meaning we could spank if we choose to.  Of course if we are abusive to the child (which we won't be!) we would be at risk of loosing our child.  But that is the case for any child - adopted or not.  Brett and I were more than willing to sign this discipline policy.  There is no need to spank a six month, so that is not a problem!  Also, if we were adopting an older child who had been abused then we would not spank them.  We would choose other forms of discipline.

Here is portions of the discipline policy taken directly from Bethany:


Parental discipline of children is a Biblically mandated and essential part of the parent-child relationship. Discipline involves providing parental guidance and teaching of appropriate attitudes and behavior. Discipline will best help children develop relationships based on trust and will prepare them to be responsible adults if it is responsive to their individual needs and personality.

Discipline requires consistent and clear communication. It is a process that includes praise, encouragement, role modeling and redirecting as well as firm limit setting, withdrawal of privileges, verbal reprimand and corporal discipline.


Therefore the Bethany discipline policy includes two restrictions in the implementation of discipline to children who are under the legal jurisdiction of Bethany: The first is that Bethany is committed to comply
with the licensing regulations under which we operate. When the licensing regulations of the state overseeing Bethany’s services prohibits the use of corporal discipline of children in Bethany’s care, Bethany will abide by those regulations. Secondly, Bethany provides foster care and adoptive placements to many children who have been physically abused. Corporal discipline of these children in the aftermath of this experience may be a reminder of this abuse and could be traumatic to the point of being counter productive and is, therefore, not
acceptable for these children while in Bethany’s care.


Bethany does not have restrictions regarding corporal discipline after an adoption is legally complete. Discipline of children must take into account the specific needs of each child and the relationship of parents to their children. Because of the importance of the parent/child disciplinary relationship, the Bethany staff will
provide prospective Bethany foster and adoptive parents a copy of this policy, an educational presentation and resources on the topic of Biblical parental discipline.