Out paperwork has been completed and turned in. Our references have been contacted and our background checks are underway. We are so excited that things are moving along. The next step is to schedule a home study with the social worker. I am very ready to move onto this next step because after the home study we will be a waiting family! WOOO HOO! But on the other hand I need a little more time to get my house clean and ready for a home study.
I can't help but compare going through the process a second time to the first time. I am remembering and reliving those moments that happened three years ago. It is kinda funny that things are almost happening three years to to day apart. Thanks to the fun app Time Hop, I am reminded daily of where we were three years ago. For me, the emotional side of things are very different this time around. I know what to expect and I have much more of a "just get it done" attitude. It is funny because the first time I got really mad about the paperwork and this time I was really calm about it. Last time Brett was calm and this time he got mad. We just process things differently and at different times.
I get overwhelmed by the thought of getting ready for a home study. Thankfully we will get to work with the social worker and schedule a time that will work for both of us. No surprise visits! Most people have no idea what is involved in a home study and some times I just get a blank look when I talk about the amount of stress involved. I am a Type A person and I have very high expectations for myself. So when I know someone is going to come to my house and literally inspect it --- I get nervous! But I need to give myself some grace and relax. The social worker is not going to look under our beds for dust bunnies or swipe my base boards for dust. But I have a very messy toddler who flung tacos across the kitchen last night at dinner. Keeping a clean house with a toddler is almost impossible!!!!! But I am also nervous about the interview part of the home study. I know from experience what type of questions they will ask. When someone is trying to dig down deep into your life, you just get nervous. We don't have anything to hide but you are asked some really deep and really personal questions. This is like the biggest job interview that we will ever go on.
One thing I keep thinking over and over is "Ignorance is bliss". I think all of us go into adoption with rose colored glasses and think nothing will go wrong. Then you get some training and do some reading and you think, "We can handle this with no problems." Who am I kidding ALL parents feel this way!!! I think if we all truly knew what trials we were going to face, we wouldn't sign on to be parents. But adoption just comes with some extra stuff.... So this time around I know what can happen. I know what can go wrong. I have been there - done that. I know that I survived the failed adoption of Jack, but I don't want to feel that type of pain again. I told someone the other day knowing what to expect and what can happen is calming and terrifying at the same time. Three years ago I just let my fears run wild. This time I am trying to pray more and cling to the promises in scripture. I am still learning and growing in my faith and this is part of that journey.
The other thing that has constantly been on my mind is our birth mom. I find myself praying for her every day. Right now I pray that she is safe and healthy. Sometimes we put so much focus on "THE BABY" that we forget there is a mother who is carrying that baby right now. Will you join me in praying for our birth mom?
