Private vs State Adoptions

I have been asked a couple of times the difference between private adoption and state adoption.  For the sake of this discussion we will leave out international adoption.

Private adoption
Private adoption can happen through an agency or a lawyer.  The majority of the time it is for a child that is not born yet or is very young.  The key to private adoption is that the birth mom and/or dad is the one who is choosing to place their child for adoption.  No laws have been broken, they haven't done anything wrong.  For whatever reasons, they feel like it is in the best interest of the child to be placed for adoption.  The birth mom and/or dad often chooses the family they want to parent their child and works with the agency or lawyer to make an adoption plan.  The birth parents are the ones driving this process and they get to make all the decisions.  A social worker or lawyer is there to help guide them and navigate the process.

It is not very common to have an older child placed for private adoption.  I don't know how to say this in a politically correct way - so forgive me.  But parents don't wake up one day and say, "I think I will put my 7 year old up for adoption".  Sadly, the more common scenario is if a parent is having trouble they turn to abuse or neglect as coping mechanism.

State adoption
State adoptions happen through DHS (Department of Human Services).  There are two parts to state adoptions.  The first is foster care and the second is adoption.  So let's start at the beginning, this is a complicated subject and the hard part is each case is different.  I will try to give you the most common situation.  First, a call is made to DHS or CPS (child protective services).  A report is made by someone (teacher, neighbor, friend) that abuse or neglect is suspected to be going on in a family.  A case worker is assigned to the report and they follow up and investigate.  If abuse or neglect is found, the children will be removed from the home and placed in foster care.  A child might be in a foster home for a couple of days or years, each situation is different.  A social workers is assigned to work with the parents and the goal is rehabilitation.  Let me repeat: THE GOAL OF FOSTER CARE IS ALWAYS REHABILITATION AND REUNIFICATION.  Sometimes the parents get their act together and make the necessary changes to have their kids back in the home.  This process of rehabilitation can go on for years.  I have heard so many stories of parents getting so close to meeting their goals and then they fall back into old habits.  In general (in Arkansas) parents are given two years to show they have made changes.  If after an appropriate amount of time it is deemed that the biological parents are not fit to be parents, their parental rights are terminated.  At this point the child who has been in foster care is now eligible for adoption.  They will remain in the foster care system until a family steps up to adopt them.  Often the family who has been fostering the child will adopt them, but this in not always the case.

The key in state adoptions is the state government has stepped in and terminated the rights of the biological parents.  Therefore the state assumes the responsibility of the child (aka a ward of the state).  The state provides financial support of this child and it is in the best interest of the state to find them a forever home.  This is why it is free to adopt from the state.  Judges, case workers, foster parents, and child advocates are the ones making the decisions for the child.

In private adoption you rarely have and older child placed for adoption, but the opposite is true in state adoptions.  Because the goal of foster care is always rehabilitation and reunification the process can take a long time.  So even if a newborn is placed in foster care just hours or days after birth - it is very likely they will not be available for adoption until they are two years old.  State adoptions are almost always older children and the waiting list for babies is long.

I hope this answers some of your questions.  Please let me know if you would like to know anything else.  Again, I am not an expert at all, I am learning new things all the time about adoption.

Will that be cash or check?

I have shared with you how much to costs to adopt and why those costs are so high.  Today I want to share how families actually pay for their adoption.  I had to laugh a little when I typed the title of this blog post…. does anyone write checks anymore?  I should have called it debit or credit!

There are three main ways you can pay for your adoption fees: cash, loan, credit card debt.  I will share a little about it of these.

CASH:  Let’s just pretend you have a glorious little nest egg with thousands and thousands of dollars on hand.  You can simple write a check to your agency and be done with it!  I don’t think most agencies would like you to hand over rolls of cash, so a nice, neat little check will do.  Also, under this category I would put debit cards or even credit cards (provided you have the cash to pay off the credit card bill at the end of the month).  

But the reality is that most young families who are adopting don’t have $20,000 to $40,000 in cash just sitting in the bank.  So, families look to other ways to help pay for their adoption.

LOAN:  There are several companies who give loans to families for adoption fees.  I have done a little research on this topic, but I am not an expert.  I looked into adoption loans about three years ago and here are some basics.  To get a loan for your adoption you have to go to a company that specializes in adoption loans.  It is very unlikely that you can go down the street to your local bank and get this type of loan.  Why?  Well, there is no collateral.  When you get a loan for your car, house, or boat you run the risk of the bank taking the car, house or boat back if you stop making payments.  The bank is not going to come repossess your child if you stop making payments.  

Also, the companies that give adoption loans charge a high interest rate.  You can get a loan for your car, house or boat in the 2% to 10% interest range.  When I looked at adoption loans about three years ago they were in the 20% to 25% interest range.  

I know people who have used this method to help fund their adoption and have had great results with it.

CREDIT CARD DEBT:  The last option is to use your personal credit cards and take on debt.  You might have to spread the debt out over a couple of cards, but this is an option.  We all know that babies are expensive so taking on more debt is not the ideal situation.  But depending on your credit card the interest rates might be lower than an adoption loan.

Families often will mix and match from the three option above and they often choose to do fundraising to help out.  And…. that is where we are right now.  We are starting the process to adopt our second child and we are choosing to do some fundraising to help cover the costs.

Some final thoughts…..

The cost of adoption is overwhelming at times. Every adoptive family that I have met was willing to do whatever it takes to cover the costs. They work extra shifts or take on a second job. They make and sell items at craft shows. They sacrifice getting a new car or going on vacation in order to save money. They work hard on fundraisers. And EVERY SINGLE TIME the money has worked out. The Lord provides, people help out, and miracles happen.

We experienced one of these miracles when we were adopting Ben. We were just finishing up all our paperwork and home study stuff when we were told about the lawyer and court fees that we would need to pay. For domestic infant adoption you hire your own lawyer to help finalize your adoption in court. So this fee in on top of what you are paying to your agency. Brett and I hadn't factored this amount into our budget and we didn't know where in the world this money was going to come from. A week later we got a check in the mail from an angel and it covered 75% of the lawyer fees. About a month later Brett got a bonus at work that covered the other 25%. Praise God!

Our agency (Bethany Christian Services) has you pay some fees up front.  These cover the cost of your home study and a few other things.  We will not pay the biggest chunk of the fees until we have a baby and the 10 day waiting period is over.  The risk of losing huge amounts of money is minimized.  With our first child we had a year of waiting and in that time we were able to keep saving money to cover the “you got a baby fee”.  It is my impression that families who already have a child are chosen quicker than couples who don’t have a child yet.  A friend of mine only waited 17 days for their second child!  So this time around we feel more pressure to have all of our funds ready to go.

I am humbled by our friends and family who are helping us with the financial side of this adoption.  I have been speechless time and time again as people offer to help and give.  I can’t say thank you enough!

I hope this gives you some insight into the payment process of adoption.  If you have any questions I would love to answer them!