Let's Get Started on Paperwork!

Paperwork - everyone loves it, right?  NO!  But it is a fact of life.  Pretty much everything these days wants info about you.  Name, address, and phone number.  Adoption is no different - but they just want to know
A LOT about you.

We have gotten our packet of paperwork!  Praise God for another step in the process!  It took a bit to print it all off and get it organized.  You can see a list of what is required at the end of this post.  I have been thinking a lot about the differences between our first adoption and this one.  I can only guess some of the same feelings happen when you are pregnant with your second child.  Every time I get Ben ready to go out I am thinking in the back of my mind, "I would have to get a baby ready too.  I would need to juggle a car seat, bag and Ben.  How will I manage?"  There are also the times when Ben is having a mini (or big) meltdown and I think, "What if the baby was crying now too?"  I know that for thousands and thousands of years women have managed two or more children and survived, but I know that it will be a big change for our family.

I am also thinking about how I am in a different mindset this time around.  The Lord has shown me so much over the past three years.  I have changed, grown, and matured - but there is always room for improvement.  Last time we were filling out paperwork I got mad.  That's right MAD.  I was angry that I had to give so much information about our family.  I was literally proving that we would be good parents.  It was a "test" and I was desperate to pass it.  But....everyone else could just go get pregnant.  No forms there.  You don't have to submit your tax returns before you take a pregnancy test.  You don't have to give a details emotional history of you, your husband, your parents, and siblings before you get pregnant.  I just got MAD and ANGRY.  Come to find out this is pretty normal in the adoption process and anger is one of the steps in the grief process.  I was still grieving over the loss of not being able to have biological children.  Time and prayer has done some wonderful things in healing that grief and loss.

There was also a lot of fear in the paperwork and home study process.  In one of the questionnaires you have to list all kinds of emotional and psychological history of your family.  It even asks about aunts, uncles, and cousins!  After filling this one out, I asked the social worker, "What if I have a crazy uncle?  Will you not approve us to adopt?"  (Side note - no crazy uncles - I promise)  She explained that the questionnaire was to help identify areas that might need more discussion.  For example, if you do have a crazy uncle but he lives four states away and you haven't seen him in 10 years - no problem!  But if you have a crazy uncle who lives next door and he is at your house every day - might need more discussion.  Another question was do you use sleeping pills and how often.  I panicked!  I occasionally take Tylenol PM!  Our social worker just laughed and said that was ok!  But when your life is being picked apart and examined like this you just panic a little!  If we had not been approved to adopt we didn't really have other options to have children.

This time around I am so much more calmer.  We have been approved to adopt the first time around so there is a slim chance that we would be denied this time around.  I knew how much paperwork we needed to fill out so I didn't panic when the printer just kept spiting out more forms.  I am glad that there is this much paperwork and such an in depth home study.  It protects the children from going to an unstable home.   It always goes back to the kids.  As adults we have to put our feelings aside and think about them.

So here we go - time to fill out some forms!  This is what we have to do
1. Formal application
2. Adoption Preferences - what race, age, medical conditions, closed/semi/open adoption, etc
3. Picture of our family
4. SAFE Questionnaire - 11 pages of your history, education, medical conditions, etc
5. Arkansas State Police Criminal History Check
6. Child Abuse and Neglect Registry Check
7. Family History Data
8. Physical done by a doctor including a drug screening
9. Health Insurance Affidavit - proof that your family has health insurance
10. Financial Statement - list of assets and debts and a monthly budget
11. Last year's tax return
12. Copies of statements from your checking account, savings account, retirement plans, 401K, investments, credit cards, debts, loans, life insurance etc.
13. Last Will and Testament
14. Statement of Understanding - saying you understand there is risk in the adoption process
15. Authorization of release of records - saying the agency can have access to info about you and they can release info to the proper individual or organization if necessary
16. Discipline Policy
17. Exclusion Policy - states reasons why a family could be denied approval
18. Release of Information for Family Profile - so you info could be on the website and your profile book can be shown to birth moms
19. Self Study - 8 pages of questions about your personality, childhood, marriage, children, and your views on adoption
20. Special Needs Questionnaire - 4 pages of different special needs that you have to mark yes or no to
21. Copies of birth certificates for whole family
22. Copy of marriage license
23. Copy of insurance cards - health and car
24. Copy of Social Security Cards for whole family
25. Copy of Driver's License
26. Read the book Dear Birthmother
27. Read the book The Connected Child

I guess I better get started!